Nativity Catholic Church
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The Joy of Not Sharing... Grandma, that is!
A "FIRESTARTER"
Spiritual Essay by Rev. Dr. Benjamin Berinti, C.Pp.S. Little did I know at the time, but I was being very selfish while growing up (although I imagine this comes as no surprise to either my parents or siblings). My brother, sister and I spent a great deal of time, especially on glorious weekends and our frequent Catholic school holidays, with my maternal grandparents, Emma and Al. Through all of those opportunities to be together, I developed a particularly close relationship with my grandma. So much enjoyment, comfort, consolation, encouragement (and good eating, too) were always there for the asking. And the best part of it was, other than my siblings Brian and Beth, there weren’t any other grandchildren getting in the way of my affection for my grandmother Emma! What I didn’t realize at first was that other kids had to “share” their grandparents with other relatives. It took me a while to grasp this somewhat strange fact in the lives of many of my friends. The more I met people at school, or talked with cousins, the more I realized that a whole bunch of kids were forced to share the same grandparents. Coming to this realization, I thought how awful that was! How could any grandparent give equal and devoted attention to more than three grandkids, as was the case in my family? I considered myself extremely blessed not to have to wrestle any other relatives for the love, care and prayers of my grandmother. When the need was there, or my heart was moved to gratitude, I didn’t need to push anyone else out of the way in order to wrap my arms around grandma, and in turn, receive her special embrace. I’m sure I said both a silent prayer on behalf of those whose days were spent in the “share-a-grandma” program (gee, Christmas must have been a sad time for those “sharers” when it came to opening presents from grandparents), as well as a “thank-you-Lord” for sparing me that curse! Somewhere within many of us, I believe there is that desire to hoard, limit, close in around, or selfishly cling to people and relationships (not to mention possessions). When it comes to someone’s loving embrace, we hope to corner that person’s time, attention, and loving affection. We are grateful for exclusive relationships; one we don’t have to share with anyone else. There is something wonderful we experience when we, in a sense, have a special someone “all to ourselves.” Obviously, this way of thinking and acting has its joys and sorrows—and can create some problems for the beloved and us. And this is especially true in our relationship with God. Joyce Rupp, in her wonderful little book Can I Have This Dance? pricks our conscience about wanting an “exclusive” relationship with or understanding of God. Just when we think we can wrap our arms around God have God all to ourselves something happens and we find ourselves once again seeking this elusive one. Perhaps there is a part of us, much like my desire for an exclusive embrace from my grandma Emma, that wants to have the God we want—with no one else butting in or telling us how to love, worship, understand, embrace, and communicate with God. While at one level of consciousness, we certainly realize that God is bigger than anything we could ever hope to grasp or embrace, at a more practical level of living and acting, we carry on our business with God as though we were the only person on the face of the earth. We even go so far as to disregard the ways in which others have come to know, understand, and believe in God—the ways others come to “name” God. In a sense we say, “That’s not how God is! God doesn’t do this or that. My view of God is the only true and accurate one—and if you’d slow down long enough to pray, or listen, or worship the way I do, then you would know this!” I suppose that in our desire to be known and loved by God, we get a little itchy about sharing God with others, even though as followers of Jesus Christ, we are first and foremost a COMMUNITY of believers; therefore we SHARE the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, and in doing so, our understandings, and visions, and ways of naming God explode exponentially. And in the end, even with the revelation of the Father offered by Jesus, we still only taste a tiny morsel, a fragment of the fullness of divinity. That’s what it means to be human—we are not God, and therefore, we cannot begin to grasp the immensity of who God truly is! I’m still happy to have had such a warm, beautiful, life giving relationship with my grandma Emma; I wouldn’t trade it for the world—even if in retrospect, it may have been tainted with a degree of selfishness. And sometimes it is hard to be open to new ways of seeing and understanding God and how God moves in people’s lives when I listen to others describe their faith stories and experiences. But I am also deeply grateful for those kinds of experiences which stretch my own understanding and embrace of God; I am grateful that I have been learning along the path of my journey in faith that God is so much more than, at times, I want to allow God to be—whether for others or for me. This willingness and ability continue to be a real gift in my life and ministry. Still, I enjoy moments when I feel completely embraced by God, as though no one else ever existed or does exist in the world. Even though that may be a little selfish, I’m glad God lets me fool myself every once in awhile, just to help me get through the challenges of this life.
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