Nativity Catholic Church


 

Don't Hold Your Breath!

A "FIRESTARTER" Spiritual Essay by Rev. Dr. Benjamin Berinti, C.Pp.S.


        In a backyard, above-ground “Doughboy” pool, hauled all the way from Chicago to Pittsburgh, where my uncle Nick was one of the first people to share in this “new” phenomenon of having a swimming pool in one’s own yard (before this, only “built-in” pools existed—and they belonged to the wealthy), at an early age I learned to overcome the fear of water and started swimming (strapped into a bright orange, bulky life jacket, at first).  Once I was able to dump that plump, overstuffed orange nightmare, the next major challenge was learning to hold my breath, so I could swim underwater.

        Holding one’s breath eventually became a contest, pitting the weak and water-wimpy against the hale and athletic.  Groups of friends would gather in the pool on hot summer afternoons, and challenge one another to breath-holding feats of strength.  To be honest, I never was much good at it.  I don’t recall my personal best for breath-holding, but I know I wasn’t to be counted amongst the future Navy Seals! 

        As we drift away from these childhood battles waged in sultry summer swimming pools, we don’t completely relinquish the notion of holding our breath.  In fact, more than we probably care to admit, we’ve found ourselves saying, “I’m just holding my breath…” as we await something that’s been promised to us, or look to the day when some long-desired fulfillment blossoms.

        “I’m holding my breath to see what happens.”  “I’m holding my breath waiting for you to move out and get a job!”  “I’m holding my breath waiting for recognition or a raise!”  “I’m holding my breath looking for a simple ‘thank you’!”  And so on…

        Anne Lamott, in her second stimulating book on her experiences of living the Christian life, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, reflects on holding our breath in this way:               

"Held breath is the ultimate withholding;
you’re not
taking anything in, you’re not putting anything out (16).”

        Savoring Lamott’s vibrant image, I make this connection: sometimes it feels like we are “holding our breath” when it comes to living out our baptismal commitment.  Our churches are often too full of folks, who for one reason or another, end up like stubborn breath-holders—taking nothing in…and certainly not putting anything out! 

        As breath-holders, we seem to be stuck where the apostles were after Jesus’ death on the cross.  They scurried into hiding, out of real fear for their lives…back to the upper room where the lingering memories of Jesus were as palatable as the bread and wine that they had shared only a few days previous.  With their tear-swollen eyes blurring any vision of a future, with their hearts scarred as deeply as the scourged body of the Master, with their hopes and dreams crushed beyond recognition—the apostles and disciples of the Lord held their breath—bringing themselves to the brink of certain death.

        And in the middle of their breath-holding, refusing to let anyone in and vowing to never put anything out, Jesus appears behind those locked heart-doors.  And what does he do…HE BREATHES ON THEM!  Jesus, the resurrected Lord, gives them back what they had abandoned—the breath of life.  As God the Father had done at the creation of humankind, breathing life into the nostrils of Adam, Jesus, the Son of God, breathes life into his frightened, nearly lifeless community.  Inhaling the soft, sweet air of the Holy Spirit, they are released from their fears, from holding their breath, and once again they gather the strength to move outward—beyond the stale, stagnant confines of their hiding place.

        Once the disciples began to breathe again—to take in the fresh air of the gracious and Holy Spirit—they were emboldened to put out the power of that Spirit and to proclaim the Good News of the Resurrection! 

        There are tough questions here for each of us: Am I someone who is holding my breath, caring little to take in the bold and brash Holy Spirit that is continually offered to me by a loving and gracious God?  Am I someone who is holding my breath, refusing to put out anything of real value from within myself to my relationships, my communities, or my parish church?

        As Anne Lamott wrote: “Held breath is the ultimate withholding.”  And holding back the breath of God’s Holy Spirit, of which we have fully received, is a dangerous and ultimately death-dealing withholding.  Can we trust in the presence of Christ, through His Holy Spirit, and the power of the love of God that knows no boundaries, so that we may breathe freely—both within and without the Church?

        For the sake of God…and God’s people…don’t hold your breath!

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